


Rampant Runnings of the Subconscious Mind

by amaradangeli



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Attraction, Episode: s01e04 Emancipation, F/M, Flirting, Pre-Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-04
Updated: 2018-03-04
Packaged: 2019-03-27 03:26:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,023
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13872108
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amaradangeli/pseuds/amaradangeli
Summary: Nothing horrible had happened to her.





	Rampant Runnings of the Subconscious Mind

**Author's Note:**

> Another one betaed by me and AutoCrit. I promise I'll start running these by my beta again soon. Like, with the next one when I'm not "behind". :)

She hadn't been beaten. Or whipped. Or _raped_.

She bested the bastard and helped free oppressed women.

So why have nightmares about all the things that might happen to her if her team failed to show up at the opportune moment?

She had hand-to-hand combat experience. And in the event self-defense wasn't enough, she had the colonel, Teal'c, hell even Daniel who would go out of his way not to swat a fly but who had a protective, if not somewhat reckless, streak.

Nothing horrible had happened to her.

And yet, she sat up in her bed in the wee small hours of the morning, covered in sweat, having just lost a fight for her life against the man who bought her for the low, low price of three hundred weights of gold.

Once she caught her breath she flipped the damp covers off her legs and climbed out of bed. It was useless to attempt to sleep again. Even if she didn't have to be on base in three hours, experience with these nightmares told her she wouldn't go back to sleep.

In the control room her commanding officer's presence surprised her. Still hours away from the start of their shift, he was out of place and shocking against what she thought of him. Aside from being second in command of the base, she didn't think he had much reason to haunt the control room, especially in the dark hours before the start of his duty shift.

His surprise at her presence was evident in the way his eyebrows climbed his forehead. He recovered first. "Morning, Carter."

"Good morning, sir."

"Bit early, aren't you?"

She grimaced but fought it until her face became a blank mask. "Yes, sir."

He was observant and astute. He did not miss the way her face contorted and pulled. "Coffee?"

The overnight tech glanced first at the colonel and then at her. She knew what thought. Part of her wanted him to keep thinking the colonel might be interested, or that things were already happening between them. The colonel was a good-looking man. And it had been a long time since a good-looking man had made her his focus. She liked the feeling someone thought there might be something going on, despite fraternization being a big no-no. Besides, there was no real danger of that.

The colonel was good looking and sure of himself, he could have any woman he wanted. What would he want with her? More brains, thought, and imagination than experience, her ineptitude often showed when she dealt with members of the opposite sex.

All that being true, in her head at least, she became more compelled to feed the interest of the technician and gave the colonel an observable, if unpracticed, half shrug and flirty smile. "Sure."

He seemed momentarily unsure, but a smooth, sure smile replaced the shadow in his eyes. The observant technician caught the look. _Bad news_ , Sam thought idly. They were going to find themselves fodder for the rumor mill. And on a base this small, the rumor mill was rampant. In a few short weeks, who wanted to sleep with who was already a hot topic. High schoolers conducted themselves better, really.

They could have gone to her lab, she had a coffee pot in the corner and better stuff than they could get in the mess. And their little coffee date might have started one kind of rumor. Instead, they went to the mess to sit at a table in the not-empty-enough room and have their coffee in plain view of anyone who might want to form an opinion. They made the decision silently, but unanimously.

They stood next to each other at the coffee station. She watched as he added the barest hint of sugar to his coffee. Never having seen him do that before, she was surprised to find it changed her mental picture of him. The desire for something sweet that so many people accepted bitter softened him a little, somehow. Made him a little more real. A little more touchable.

When they sat she felt scrutinized under his gaze. She thought he might call her out for the obvious way she didn't mind that it appeared something might happen between them. He didn't. "So."

"So...?"

"Your shift starts in," he glanced at his watch, "a little over two hours. What's up?"

She found she didn't want to talk to him about her dreams, about the reason she was early, about why things that didn't happened to her kept her up nights. She wanted to drink coffee with him, flirt when other people were looking. She wanted to forget the things she saw under the cover of sleep, the things that were miles worse than the things that happened, and the things that her mind kept conjuring up.

But it all rushed in, a wave of heat and embarrassment and anger that washed over the back of her neck and made her shudder with the intensity of the feelings.

He let her react. He didn't push or prod or pry. Concern settled on his face, but it stopped short of understanding, thankfully. "Wanna talk about it?"

"About what?" She feigned nonchalance.

"Whatever made you..." At a loss for words, he waggled his hand in the air.

She stalled by taking a sip of the coffee and found it still too hot to drink. She could deny there was anything to talk about. She could decline, but what purpose would that serve? To make her seem strong? That isolated her. She understood. Strength meant sharing your demons, not hoarding them for yourself.

But she barely knew him. Did she dare share weakness with him? What would happen if she did? Was he the kind of CO who would use weakness against her? Or would he use it to teach her, to help her? There was only one way to find out.

She took another sip of the coffee and hissed through the burn after she swallowed. The colonel put his finger tips on her wrist and pushed her coffee cup hand away from her mouth until she set the cup back down on the table. "It's hot, Carter."

It could have made her feel like a child. It didn't.

"I dream." She didn't look at him. Instead, she stared at a chip in the Formica of the table top. The spot was shaped like Texas, if someone sliced off the point at the bottom. "Nightmares, really. About the Shavadi planet."

He was quiet. She thought he was going to wait for her to talk again. She waited him out. He took a few deep breaths and a swallow before he could ask her, "Did something happen you didn't tell us about?"

"No," she reassured him. "I'm dreaming about things that didn't even happen."

"Ah."

"It didn't happen. So why can't I got back to sleep when the dream is over?" She met his dark eyes, held them until the intensity of neither of them speaking became too much and she looked away.

"You're too smart," he said with a chuckle that seemed out of place in the conversation. "Your brain is filling in the details of all the things that almost happened."

"That's not smart," Sam replied. "It's the dumbest damn thing I've ever done." Well, except for the time she--

"Even you can't control dreams, Carter."

"So, no words of wisdom?" She gave him a crooked smile that he returned.

He blew on his coffee before taking a careful sip. He looked off towards the door that led out into the corridor. He smoothed a hand across the scarred tabletop. "Things are going to happen out there, things we can't control. I think maybe, even though you know it intellectually, maybe your... I don't know... is catching up."

She thought it funny he lacked the internal fortitude to say heart or feelings or whatever he specifically meant.

There'd been some scuttlebutt around base that he was married. Some said he was divorced. Some said his wife left him. Only one was true. But she thought it odd a man with some experience with women and marriage and those hard-to-talk-about feelings couldn't say those words. Maybe because she was a woman. Maybe because she was a woman other than his wife.

She didn't want to think about his wife.

"I'm not scared I'm going to be kidnapped again. Or that some man on some planet is going to think I'm property to be bought or sold."

"Okay."

"I know those things can happen. Other things too. In one way or another. Terrible things are bound to happen."

"Carter--"

"I'm not trying to be pessimistic. But I think I should be realistic and think something bad is going to happen at some point. And the truth is, I'm a little worried about how bad it might get. We've barely been to other planets and so far, I've been drugged to the point of taking off my clothes, kidnapped and sold, and fought for my actual life. Maybe my dreams are trying to prepare me for reality. For the worst."

One thing spelled the worst because he quickly reassured her, "We're not going to let that happen to you."

"I'd like to think you guys wouldn't let me be kidnapped and sold either, but you didn't know it happened until too late." She softened the near-accusation with, "You can't watch me all the time. And I am capable of taking care of myself."

"Yes. You are. But we're a team. And while we can't watch you all the time, we're going to do a better job of watching you more often. So, you might want to get used to that." The look he shot her was light though the words were heavy.

She nodded and smiled and took a sip of her finally drinkable coffee. She stared down at the table top and his hand where it lay flat over a long scratch for long enough she started to think inappropriate things about his hands - especially if his wife was still in the picture.

She started to thank him for his candor, for his support, for the protection she didn't want to need but was grateful for, but Daniel's sleepy yet over-caffeinated voice broke into their little bubble. "Hey guys. You're early."

"And you're late." The colonel smiled at Daniel but he shot a glance at Sam with a raised eyebrow - silent communication asking if they were okay. If she was okay.

She smiled and turned her attention to Daniel. "Have you even left base?"

"What day is it?"

She knew then exactly what the colonel meant about taking care of the team member who needed it. And sometimes it might be the guys who were in need. So, she decided to take it and not feel weakened by it. She relaxed for the first time since she woke up, wet, cold, heart racing. She got up to get Daniel another cup of coffee as he launched into a conversation the colonel seemed inclined to let him carry on his own.

While she fixed Daniel's coffee she glanced over at the table and saw the colonel nodding along to Daniel's yammering, but with his eyes fixed on her. It felt good. She had the skills to protect herself. But it was nice to know there were others there to help.

For the first time in her life she had backup.

She slid the cup of coffee to Daniel as she rounded the table. He covered her hand with his and gave it an affectionate pat.

"Why are you guys here?" he asked, taking a sip of the piping hot coffee and making no indication of discomfort.

"We're military," the colonel said before she decided whether to share her perceived weakness again. "Early is on time and--"

"On time is late. Yeah, yeah," Daniel groused, but he smiled. He looked from the colonel to Sam and then back, raised an eyebrow like he didn't quite buy it, but he left it be.

Across from her, the colonel winked.


End file.
